Off My Chest



As I write this, the sun continues its upward journey into the sky warming the cool, green foliage outside. I look at the clock and realize that 27 hours ago, an old acquaintance of mine was officially pronounced dead as she lay on an ER hospital table. She had been shot multiple times in her shoulder and chest; once in her back as she fled her shooter. A shooter who has supposingly been apprehended and awaiting a bond hearing. Kind of ironic she was slain exactly one year after her oldest son was killed in Germany while serving in the military. Made me think of a kid 2 weeks ago who perished in a traffic accident on a road renamed a year earlier for his deceased father killed in Afghanistan.



Irony….


I deal with and hear about people dying in every imaginable way; sometimes many times in a day. The facts known at this time was the aforementioned shooting victim was with a person (who was a known gang member/repeat offender since the early 90’s) exercising her constitutionally guaranteed rights to freely be around who she wanted to be around at any time she wanted to do so anywhere she wanted to do so on the 1 year anniversary of her oldest son’s death. I hope my assumptions concerning this event are wrong. I do know that this person was the proverbial “didn’t meet a stranger or anyone she didn’t like” type. When I knew her, he oldest son was 4 years old and she worked very hard. She had her own addictions and demons to conquer, if you will. I had hoped she had overcame those issues like she did so many other things. Maybe she did 19 years ago when I was one of a couple of people who were helping her; I don’t and probably won’t ever know. I do know she tried to kick certain habits despite everything against her. Which is really not different or more than we all have or currently encounter – just different.


I have a nasty habit of trying to “fix” things for other people or help resolve their problems while my own life is in shambles. I’m convinced these hypocritical acts are not heroic or self-sacrificial as they would seem. I believe it’s a way for me to shove aside my own unsolvable issues and not to have to deal with them at the time. Which is wrong, I know. Perhaps even a bit selfish if you think about it. I don’t do it on purpose, mind you. Sometimes my procrastination is somehow more explainable that way; and less painful when I confront or deal with it. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to understand something SO simple as the fact that NOT taking care of myself won’t put me in a situation to help anyone. I know that’s stupid and silly. It’s just how I am. Hopefully I can get over myself and change things.


Sorry to go off on a tangent. I guess all I want to say is rest in peace, old friend. Another adventure awaits..